#Connect (continued)
Below are the responses from our friends during the #Connect campaign.
Tell us about one of your favorite
memories from childhood.
- A favorite memory of mine was any time that was spent with my siblings. We were all adopted by different people so I cherished any time that we got to spend together. Issachar
- My favorite memory from childhood is one time camping when I was 11 or 12 with another family. While everyone slept my brother and I went out and started collecting toads. During a moment of mischievous inspiration I decided to put a toad in the women's tent. After this we waited and hoped to hear some commotion. It wasn't long before our patience was rewarded with a good deal of surprise from the tent. Robert
- I was so blessed growing up. …playing in the snow at age 3 or 4 with my dog Sam, going to air shows with my dad, spending time doing anything with my mom, playing basketball with my grandpa, board games with my grandma, learning to drive a stick shift. Wayne
- I have a hard time identifying good memories growing up. Damion
- When I was a kid I played tons of sports - if there was a team or a junior league, I was in it. So naturally, my parents were sports nuts. One day my mom and dad and I all went out to eat dinner. My parents had these t-shirts that said, "Proud to be a wrestler's mother/father." So we get to this restaurant and are sitting in a back booth when we all notice that my dad is wearing the "Proud to b e a wrestler's mother" t-shirt. We all had to leave the restaurant because we lost our minds laughing uncontrollably. Joe
What is one of the hardest things that
you dealt with growing up?
- It was difficult for me not to have a father figure in my life. Issachar
- One great difficulty for me growing up was often feeling thwarted, or discouraged. It was extremely difficult to get anyone to participate in any type of endeavor with me. Even if the ideas weren't all that great it would've strengthened bonds and taught me a lot about things to have tried out a few of them. Robert
- Custody battles were always a part of my life. I hated being used against my parents by my parents. Neither my father or my mother could refrain from badmouthing each other to us children. As a child I always felt torn and that my loyalties had to lie with one or the other. That was a huge part of my life growing up. Damion
- In a word – “shyness”. I was terribly shy growing up. A lot of people in my life now have a hard time believing that today as I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable in my own skin. I came from a strong Christian family and have had a very blessed life. I can say with all honesty that up until my poor choices that led to my incarceration, I hadn’t had to deal with hardships. Wayne
- The hardest thing I had to deal with growing up was my father's death. I was only 14 at that time and it was so sudden and devastating that I don't think I ever really recovered. Within six months I went to a group home for uncontrollable behavior, and within two years I was in prison for 15 years. Joe
Describe some activities that give (or
gave) you a sense of fulfillment or joy (hobbies/activities).
- I always enjoyed singing. It was the only thing I ever truly felt like I knew how to do. Issachar
- One of the activities that gave me a great sense of fulfillment was selling raffle tickets door to door. I loved the thrill of coming up with a pitch that would make money. Robert
- I like to best describe myself as a “noticer”. I have a God-given ability to see different perspectives that others can’t see in the moment. When I can share with someone in such a way that they have an “ah-ha” moment of discovering that “other perspective” for whatever they are going through in their life, nothing brings me more joy. Wayne
- Being out in the woods or near a body of water where I could explore or fish or just be away from people. That's what I used to love to do as a child and even now those are some of the most fulfilling experiences for me. Damion
- I am extremely passionate about the creative process in general, but painting and music in particular. I'm pretty certain that I could comfortably spend 8-10 hours a day playing the guitar. I also greatly enjoy solving problems. I get immense joy from circumventing the intended use of certain technologies, as well as figuring out how systems work. Joe
Share an insight into what got you into
prison.
- Although I saw myself spiraling out of control, I simply stopped caring and gave up. Issachar
- Some insight into what lead me to prison is not having any idea of what my future could be. I was more in tune with what I didn't want to do than what I wanted to do. Robert
- I can trace it back to boredom and the desire to fit in somewhere, that's how I got into drugs. Once I was using on a regular basis prison was just a matter of time. Damion
- My life was falling apart one tiny crumble at time and I didn’t even realize it…even if I had, I was denying it. “I was ok, I was in control” was the lie I was telling myself. When I say my life that includes my dream job being yanked away, my marriage not being where it should have been when the job went away, and so much more. I realize now as people tried to “logic” me into a place of ok-ness, all I really wanted was to be loved, heard, understood (although I didn’t even understand myself in that time). Unfortunately I turned to the wrong person for all that I was looking for. Psychological studies show that people who go through stressful experiences can have a dramatic change in behavior. This is most commonly seen from those who have experienced war and suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We have also seen this in those who have been bullied and then “snap” and go on a shooting rampage. It can be in much less dramatic instances too, like mine. Prior to my offense, I had no “criminal record”; not even a speeding ticket. Yet I made choices I never thought I would make destroying the trust many people had in me. My heart aches every day for all the people I hurt. Wayne
- How do you teach a teenager that the desire to fit in is a false construct? Joe
What does your ideal life look like?
- My ideal life would be me having completed the MBA Program at UMKC with my first child on the way. A newer model car that I don't have to make payments on, and me just beginning my corporation with the love and support of my wife and family. Issachar
- My ideal life would be very busy. I would be buying, renting, and selling real estate. I would have no children and most likely be single. I would spend a great deal of time volunteering and being involved in philanthropic endeavors. I would definetly be doing public speaking and encouraging the downtrodden. Robert
- This is a tricky question because sure, I’d love to have a restored family, a great paying career, etc, etc. For the most part I am pretty content. I’d like to be in my own home sooner rather than later. I’d like to have a job with better hours and better pay. But mostly, I want to be in the presence of Jesus daily. I want to be attentive to His whisperings of love and grace into my life. I want to make decisions that bring Him honor and glory. Wayne
- I'd like to settle in a house that has lots of space, in a small town or maybe out in the country. I don't want a whole lot career wise or financially just enough to provide for my family. I don't have much of a clear picture beyond that. Damion
- This question has been the most difficult - if only because I have a desire to let life come and not chase after any particular end. I can say some of my goals however - pursue a career in computer security, become a successful recording artist, do a gallery showing original paintings, and spend as much time as possible with my wife watching our children grow up. Joe
What are some specific challenges that
you could use assistance with?
- An area I could use assistance with is in establishing a social foundation for when I parole. (Housing, job, schooling, transportation, etc) I am originally from New Jersey but will parole in Kansas. I will have no family assistance and the aforementioned items are paramount for my success. Issachar
- Some specific challenges that I could use assistance with is intense coaching and accountability. Someone that will nit pick through the language I use and force me to reveal what I am able to gloss over with distraction and misdirection. Robert
- I’m doing pretty well at this point. I’m at an amazing church where there are people who accept me as I am and are loving me into new and better places all the time. Wayne
- I think proper emotional guidance is what I lack the most and that is mainly because of my lack of will. Damion
- I have been in the system continually since I was 14 years old. Extending the positive framework of decisions which I have been making over these past few years into the very uncertain transition out of prison living, towards the end of disentangling myself from this web of my own creation would be great. Also, I contracted Hepatitis C while in prison and would like to explore the treatment options available upon parole. Joe
Is there anything else you want people
to know about you or your journey?
- Although I now have the label of "felon", I don't equate that with guaranteed failure. Life is a learning process, and regardless of any label or negative assumption placed on me because of past mistakes I am going to succeed. "Never laugh at the dream of another person. At least that person had the courage to dream." Y. Ahmad, Issachar
- When asked if there is anything else he wanted you to know about his journey, Robert responded, "You'll need to buy the book (or e-book)!!!!"
- I am a child of God! While the state of Kansas and the DOC may have other labels for me, that is not who I am. Yes, I made some poor choices and I will have to deal with the consequences of those choices for some time, maybe the rest of my time on this earth. However, I am living in the grace of my heavenly Father who has forgiven me and welcomes me daily into a holy presence with Him. Wayne
- I am not who I was. I am a new man and am still learning to live a new life. I have been to prison twice and have spent more of my adult years incarcerated than I have a free man. I never want to go back to that old life and really for the first time in my life don't fear it. Even though I stumble through almost every day not sure how to move forward I somehow manage. And as hard as it is, my new ways are much more rewarding than any of my old ways. Somewhere in my second trip to prison I started making better decisions to escape my old self and the fruits I was reaping. I owe that to God. I cried out to Him and said I didn't want it anymore, He has provided the rest ever since. That includes friends, family, and everything else that is part of my new way of life. I have been out of prison now for 34 months and been off parole for 25. I have had no negative run ins with the law (besides a couple traffic tickets). I have not lived this free since I was 16yrs. old.... Damion
- I feel as if I have never really been given a chance to succeed in life. After almost 17 years of perpetual incarcerations, release is immanent. And yet, I don't feel like I have a chance to succeed. I feel more like I have a chance to fail. All the odds seem stacked against me - from society, my conviction, my long tenure of incarceration, the poor economy. I have no basis of reality outside of prison life, and I wonder if my emotional development can support a new reality. It seems almost as if the expectation is that I should fail. I would certainly like to change that paradigm with what little time I have left! I believe in the future, and that I can be successful in life. But there are times when the inertia seems too great. Some indication that society is willing to accept my success as well would go a long way. Joe
