Hero

Julie Smith

I have always struggled with the concept of hero for as long as I can remember. Mmmaybe it's because it was first introduced to me as a woman with indestructible bracelets, a skimpy outfit, and a gold rope? Not sure.

Last month, the word hero was thrown around in the news a bit. (Here and here, specifically.) From my perspective, people can do courageous things and are worthy of acknowledgement for their choices - but I don't believe in identifying someone as a hero. Just like failing an exam does not mean someone is stupid. Nevertheless, words have meaning. When we use words in this way we are wrapping up identities in those single words or labels as if to say all of that person is ______. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty confident that we are all more complicated than that AND at our core we all want to be known - complications and all, and be loved in spite of them.

Have you ever been close to someone who has been identified as a hero? I have. They experienced great sadness and loneliness because of it. Read more...

Mentors

We have been meeting with several individuals that have decided to proceed to the next step after our orientation. We are grateful for their willingness to step up in this way and their journeys that have brought them here. Each is unique and we are truly excited to be working with them! We look forward to the day when they can share their experiences as a mentor with you!

We will also be presenting at Heartland Community Church in the fall with the Men's Ministry. They would like to begin work with this population and we couldn't be more excited! Stay tuned...

If you have questions about what it takes in order to mentor please contact us at n2lifeproject@gmail.com or 816.282.6312. If you know that you would like to proceed, you can go here to complete an application, and we will contact you.

Art

Art is currently working part time as a Spiritual Guide in the Life Connections Program at the Federal Prison in Leavenworth. As mentioned in the last newsletter, we see this as an opportunity to grow our networks and our knowledge, while also providing for his family. Please continue to keep Art in your thoughts as he navigates how to spend his energy as it relates to what is best for the clients, ourselves, and our families.

Classes

We have resumed our Getting Motivated to Change classes inside Lansing Correctional Facility. As always, we find this time energizing and meaningful. This past week was especially purposeful as one individual shared vulnerably about some of his obstacles. Many heads were nodding in the group and we appreciated his courage in sharing with us.

Last month we also lead a staff training at HopeFaith Ministries. We spoke on Empathy, NonViolent Communication, Time management, and Emotional boundaries such as triangulation and enmeshment. If you are interested in us facilitating training with your staff or volunteers, please contact us at n2lifeproject@gmail.com or 816.282.6312.

Support

We are truly grateful for anyone willing to express their support for what we are doing in any financial form or otherwise. No amount is too little, except 0. Your validation in this way speaks to your belief in us and what we are doing, as if you're standing with us when you commit in this way. Let us know what you need in order to make this easier on your end.

Hero continued

They didn't ask to be put there. They did what they believed they could do or had to do in the moment. Once the title was given they felt thrown to a pedestal. The people around them no longer felt safe for them to be themselves, to fail, to admit to doubts, and concerns. This made it difficult to know who to go to for help and support when it was needed. They are human after all. For this person, being labeled a hero caused them to experience disconnection.

What is it that causes us to take these occasions and exaggerate them beyond their worth? At face value, it may seem we just want to praise or complement the individual for their act/actions. However, I would suggest that when we place an identity on someone, vs simply recognizing the act itself, we are doing so out of a belief. We are labeling our disconnection, the place where we believe we can no longer identify - the belief that this is something we don't understand, don't think we can understand, and maybe don't want to. This is what my hero friend experienced - others weren't sure they could do or handle the situation in the way that she had. It seems the Ohio gentlemen was attempting to fight this disconnection when others wanted to give him the hero label. His reply? "I'm just a man." A current tune expresses this sentiment as well...

Hero - Family of the Year
Let me go, I don't wanna be your hero.
I don't wanna be a big man. Just wanna fight with everyone else.
Your masquerade, I don't wanna be a part of your parade.
Everyone deserves a chance to walk with everyone else (bold added)

If I choose to identify someone as a hero (or a loser, for that matter) it seems that I am actively disconnecting from them. I am saying "I do not understand" or "I do not see my capacity for this".

Think about that for minute.

No really, please think about it.

More often than not, the labels that we place on others, even positive ones are actively breaking connection. This affects both you and them. Do you see how this is not helpful? If this happens with positive labels, can you imagine the repercussions for negative ones?

We each can have courageous moments, lazy ones, times when we don't think things through, behave as a bully or respond nobly. Our motives are often mixed and complicated and people are so very seldom all "good" or "bad" as the best stories capture. We each get to decide how we are going to be today.

I believe that some of our greatest temptations lie here, in the daily, seemingly little decisions - where we decide to disconnect after the labeling (hero, loser, weirdo, snob, smart, dumb, strong, weak, successful, unsuccessful, etc.) If we stop here, we learn nothing new about ourselves, about others, about God. When we learn nothing new, we atrophy.

You can do heroic things. You can do harmful things. So can I. Nevertheless, we are merely human. I believe that if we stay connected to God, ourselves, and to others we gain understanding. When we do this we grow and can then be about things greater than ourselves.

If you've read this far you deserve a treat. Yep, I'm going there. We Don't Need Another Hero. All we want is life beyond...

Read with the song playing in the background.

When we can embrace others strengths and weaknesses we connect. When we connect, we grow.

The proof that we are living.

To choose this on a regular basis, is probably the most heroic-like thing any of us can do.